Do you ever hide your spending from your partner? Maybe you rely on others to bail you out when money problems come up. Have you avoided finance conversations altogether?
If any of these sound familiar, your money personality might be the “Innocent Bystander.”
As an Innocent Bystander, you might avoid financial decisions altogether because you don’t fully trust your ability to make the right choices. But don’t worry—you’re not alone, and this is something you can change!
Here’s how to recognize the signs, why this behavior happens, and what you can do to take back control of your financial future.
What It Means to Be an Innocent Bystander
To the Innocent Bystander money personality, money represents vulnerability. One of the unique aspects of your personality is that people are drawn to your vulnerability and want to step in to help! And…you’re usually comfortable admitting when you have money issues, which can be a strength because you don’t allow your ego to stand in the way of asking for help.
But here’s where things go wrong—you tend to ignore your finances and lose control. You might feel uncomfortable about your past financial decisions, which causes you to second-guess yourself. As a result, you rely on others to make money decisions for you, which can take away your power and leave you feeling stuck. Over time, this creates a dependency on others that keeps you in a cycle of passivity or a habit of procrastination that keeps you in mental stress.
If you:
- Depend on a spouse, partner, or family member to make key financial choices, such as budgeting, paying bills, or investing.
- Lack a clear understanding of personal finances (e.g., bank balances, savings, expenses).
- Are unable to cover living expenses without assistance from parents, a partner, or another source.
- Don’t know where you stand in your finances because you avoid even looking.
You might have an Innocent Bystander Personality.
How This Impacts Your Life
Financial avoidance can lead to missed opportunities or even financial losses due to inaction, indecisiveness, or poor management. You might also find that avoiding your finances creates tension or resentment with your partner, especially if they feel like they’re carrying the financial burden.
But the biggest issue is that relying on others to make financial decisions strips away your power to create your own financial success and increase your self esteem. When someone else is always making the decisions, you lose the ability to trust yourself and your intuition.
How to Break Free from Financial Avoidance
Here’s the good news: You can absolutely end this cycle and take back control of your financial life. It’s all about taking small, intentional steps toward building your confidence and trust in your own decision-making. Here’s how to get started:
- Open up communication about money
If you’re hiding your spending from your partner or avoiding money conversations, stop. Start by discussing one to three financial goals you might have and then work together to create a budget that will help you get there. If this feels overwhelming, think about working with a financial advisor experienced in behavioral finance. They can help to be the middleman (or woman, in my case) during these convos so you’re both on the same page. - Take small steps toward financial independence
If you’re financially dependent on other people, start with small steps. Set up a separate savings account and commit to saving a small amount each month. Even something like $25 a week can build your confidence and help you feel more in control. - Stop relying on others for financial decisions
It’s easy to fall into the habit of asking friends or family for advice, but relying on others keeps you from building your own confidence. Instead of taking opinions from everyone, do your own research or get advice from a professional who understands money AND mindset. This will help you start trusting your own intuition when it comes to financial decisions. - Take ownership of your financial journey
Whether you decide to work with a financial advisor or tackle your finances on your own, it’s important to find someone who can hold you accountable along the way. Taking responsibility for your financial life means making decisions that reflect your goals and values. One easy way to start is by reading money books and 31 Badass Money Mindset Affirmations gives you financial exercises to begin sorting out your finances.
Why This Matters Beyond Money
Here’s something to think about: If you don’t trust yourself with money decisions, how can you trust yourself in other areas of your life? Building confidence in your financial choices will naturally extend to other parts of your life, helping you feel more empowered and capable overall.
Would you rather be held accountable now and feel confident in a year, or continue running away for the rest of your life?
Ready to Take the First Step?
It’s time to rewire those subconscious beliefs that have been keeping you financially stuck. I help clients every day overcome these behavioral patterns and use them to their advantage. Find out your money personality by taking a quiz HERE.
If you or someone you’re close to is a high-achieving professional who could use help establishing a solid financial plan and upgrading their money mindset, reach out to us. We’re accepting new clients and eager to help. Click here to book a free consultation call.
*Disclaimer: The content is for informational purposes only, you should not construe any such information or other material as legal, tax, investment, financial, or other advice. All content on this site is information of a general nature and does not address the circumstances of any particular individual or entity.