“Why must you sleep with your purse under your pillow? No one is going to take it from you,” I said, frustrated.
My mom would take her purse everywhere—to the bathroom, to bed, from room to room. She’d cling to it while she slept or hide it in peculiar places.
Then I realized something.
That wasn’t just her purse. It was part of her identity.
Before dementia, my mom was fiercely self-sufficient and impeccable. She had everything under control and could remember even distant relatives’ birthdays.
Her purse represented independence. Her money. Her ID. Her ability to take care of herself.
As dementia took away pieces of who she used to be, she was holding tightly to something that still represented that woman.
I see something similar with a client who has early-stage dementia.
He repeatedly calls me requesting copies of his account statements. He doesn’t remember that we’ve already sent them.
But he does remember something deeper:
He’s the person responsible for his household’s finances.
He’s done it for decades. That’s part of his identity.
There’s a behavioral-finance lesson here.
Our financial behaviors aren’t driven by numbers alone. Money can represent security, independence, control and identity. And we tend to hold tightly to things that reinforce our sense of who we are, especially when that identity feels threatened.
So when a loved one or client with dementia does something that seems irrational or repetitive, look beyond the behavior.