Perfectionism has worked in my favor for decades. I’ve stood out in corporations because I’ve strived to be better than the ‘average’ person. I’ve pushed myself constantly and have succeeded. My perfectionism has been the voice 🗣 that leads this success.
“So what’s wrong with that?” you might ask.🤔
– The problem begins when that voice goes from being a coach to a bully.
– That voice that reminds you: It’s NEVER enough.
Imagine having someone tell you every day “Go harder. What you’ve done is not enough”
“Is that all you got? You can do more”
“How did that person get higher than you but you’re still where you are?”
“Yep, you’ve helped thousands of people, but can you help millions? Why can’t you be like Tony Robbins?”
You can’t walk away from this voice because it’s always with you. It’s the voice within that reminds you that it’s just not enough. You’re just not enough.
Perfectionism is fleeting and can’t be reached unless you choose it.
Your definition of “perfection” is different today than it will be a month from now because your expectations constantly change. So can you ever truly be perfect❓Can anything in your life be perfect?
In her book, ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ Brené Brown explains that perfectionism is what people use to protect🛡️ their vulnerability. They do this by trying to be perfect so that they can avoid being judged and rejected.
This resonated with me deeply because I was raised by parents that always drove me to perfection. I remember a time I came home and was proud to show my mom the B+ I got on a math test. Math was tricky for me so I had to work harder at it (kinda crazy that I’m a financial advisor now hey…haha!). I was so excited to show my mom my B+ and she looked at it, handed it back to me with a disappointed look on her face and said “Where’s the A+? Your brother gets A’s. You can do the same”.
It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And this cycle of “you could do better” was deeply sown into my psyche.
I’ve worked on letting go of perfectionism for years now because I’ve realized that chasing🏃🏻♀️ an unattainable idea of perfection can foster a fear of failure and fear of taking risks or opportunities that could lead to genuine fulfillment and growth📈. It could also impact the way you treat those close to you, and the way you see them.
So what are YOU🫵🏼 pushing away because of perfectionism?
Is it love and acceptance of yourself?❤️
Fully accepting your child?👨👩👧👦
Fully accepting your partner as he/she is?
Not starting a business for fear it may fail?📉
Not writing that book📚 you always dreamt of because you’re “not ready yet”?
Here are some steps that may work for you on your journey:
- Gratitude: I know you hear this A LOT… so you probably rolled your eyes. Gratitude is tricky for perfectionists. But here’s my trick to doing it…I would thank God, myself, and anyone involved. We tend to think gratitude is only for what’s outside of us. Saying our “please” and “thank you’s”. But gratitude is also about being grateful to yourself. I began saying thank you to myself for the things that I would accomplish on the daily. Kind of like this: “I know you were tired as heck today, girl. Thank you so much for still going to the gym” or “Damn, girl! You really killed it in your talk today! Thank you!”. Showing myself appreciation helped me tremendously because who else is going to appreciate what I do, if I don’t??
- Challenge your thoughts: When you hear the bully begin talking to you, your radar should go up. Wait! Is this the bully talking to me or my coach? I prefer my coach please! Becoming aware will change your tone and begin challenging the way you talk to yourself.
- Reflect on Origins: Delve into the experiences that shaped your perceptions of worth and success by thinking of the first time you started feeling this way about yourself. Now, listen to me carefully: It doesn’t matter who hurt you, it just matters that you heal yourself. This step is NOT to have someone to blame, but rather for you to understand yourself and your wound so that you can begin giving yourself love where and how it’s needed.
Believe it or not, you can be kind and loving to yourself while STILL being successful!
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