Money and Relationships: How to Bring Up The Conversation

It’s no secret that money can be a major source of tension in relationships. In fact, studies show it’s a leading cause of divorce, even surpassing infidelity. But while the importance of financial communication is undeniable, knowing when to initiate that conversation can be tricky.

Why Money Matters

From day-to-day budgeting to long-term financial goals, aligning your values and approaches to money is crucial for a healthy partnership. It’s about creating a sense of stability, security, and trust, all of which are essential for a fulfilling relationship.

Childhood Money Memories

Our relationship with money often stems from our childhood experiences. Did you grow up in a household where money was tight, leading to a more frugal approach? Or did you experience abundance, fostering a more relaxed attitude towards spending? These early experiences shape our money personalities, influencing our behaviors and expectations in adulthood.

Recognizing the Signs: When to Talk

So, when should you bring up the topic of money with your partner? Here are some telltale signs:

Frequent arguments: Are you constantly bickering about spending habits? This can indicate deeper financial disagreements that need to be addressed.

Financial stress: Is one partner carrying the financial burden? This imbalance can create resentment and strain.

Lack of transparency: Are there secrets or hidden debts? Open communication is essential for building trust.

Major life changes: Planning to get married, buy a house, or start a family? These milestones require financial alignment.

General feeling of unease: Do you have a gut feeling that something’s not quite right? Trust your intuition and initiate a conversation.

Ask Yourself:

  • Do I feel nervous discussing finances with my partner?
  • Do I have arguments over finances?
  • Am I afraid of divorce because of the money implications?
  • What is my first memory of money?
  • What did I feel around and about money as a child?
  • What’s my money personality
  • What do I want out of my life in 3 years? 7 years?

 Here are some tips for a successful conversation:

Choose a neutral time and place: Avoid bringing it up during stressful moments, in the middle of an argument, or when you’re tired.

Approach it with curiosity and openness: Be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective without judgment. Your partner is a different world than you are, so be curious about that world vs. judgmental.

Focus on understanding each other’s values and goals: This will help you find common ground and develop a shared financial vision.

Be prepared to compromise: No two people have exactly the same relationship with money. Be flexible and willing to meet each other halfway.

Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling to communicate effectively or reach an agreement, consider seeking guidance from a financial advisor or therapist.

Questions to ask your partner

  • What’s your first memory of money?
  • What do you want your (and our) life to look like 3 years from now? 7 years from now? 
  • What’s your money personality?
  • How was money handled by your parents? Was it positive or negative?

Remember, addressing money issues early and openly can strengthen your relationship and pave the way for a financially secure future together.

Additionally, as a financial advisor, a big part of my role is to help couples work through these limiting subconscious beliefs that can hinder their financial progress. 

By creating an open space for communication and guiding my clients towards a shared vision, I can help them work towards rewriting their money stories and building a future of financial stability and harmony.

If you’re ready to take control of your finances and pursue a brighter future for yourself and your partner, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help you work towards your financial dreams.

P.S. Check out my other blogs for more info on money mindset and rewiring your subconscious beliefs!



* The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. To determine which strategies or investments may be suitable for you, consult the appropriate qualified professional prior to making a decision. Investing includes risks, including fluctuating prices and loss of principal. No strategy assures success or protects against loss.

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